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We all have them. Ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-friend, ex-classmate, ex-roommate, ex-coworker, even ex-husband or wife. We all have exes, and it sucks. However, I have found that as I mature (in my profound 26 years), it has been getting easier and easier to let go of any ex-induced bitterness. It’s awesome!
I even bragged about it (in my head) while headed out to a community event with my husband. I went on and on (in my head) about how I had achieved a certain level of maturity, how I had grown more than other people because I wasn’t afraid of running into my ex, how I could walk into a large event full of confidence, not worrying about any potentially awkward situations. I would not shut up (in my head).
And then it happened.
My ex-something.
Well, one of them.
Within no more than two minutes of walking into the event, I saw someone I used to know, and with whom things did not end well. Within no more than two minutes, I was smacked in the face with everything I had just bragged about to myself. Within no more than two minutes, I was ducking for cover. It wasn’t a dating relationship, but we had known each other well.
The absolute worst part about seeing him, though, was noticing when he saw me, and he started ducking for cover. It left me wondering what on earth I had done for him to want to avoid me, which flung me into a self-reflective state that I typically try to avoid.
I felt so silly. I felt so humbled (in the painful way). I felt so ashamed. I thought I was better than other people. I thought I had transcended all that young silly fear-of-exes nonsense. I thought I had left a better opinion of myself in other people’s minds.
But as the Lord gently pointed out the holes in those thoughts, He also reminded me of the value He holds for me – even as someone who fears something as silly as encounters with other broken people.
The Lord reminded me that it doesn’t matter how many times I say something stupid to Him (my Savior!), or tell Him I don’t want to be His friend anymore, or tell Him he’s doing a terrible job, I will never be His ex. He’ll never duck for cover at the sight of me, nor should I be afraid of Him so much that I duck for cover from Him. Even when I’ve gone off and bragged about being better than Him (in my head).