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It happened over four years ago, but I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was at my parents’ house enjoying a leisurely Friday afternoon when my phone rang. We knew we could get “the call” anytime from our agency, so my heart skipped a beat at a number I didn’t recognize. I had my social worker’s number in my phone, so I let this one go to voicemail. The message said a baby boy was born, the birthmother chose us and we needed to come to the hospital right away. I felt all of the emotions as I ran down the hall and screamed to my mom and sister, “There is a baby! We have a son!”
That is how our family started. My husband and I grew our family through adoption. We found an amazing agency, and we welcomed our son and his precious birthmother into our lives about a year after officially starting the process. Every adoption story is unique and beautiful. I know the adoption process can feel intimidating, so I hope I can offer some advice and encouragement to anyone looking to grow their family through adoption.
Do lots of research and don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions. There is no such thing as a dumb question. Interview agencies and ask other people who have gone through the process. I ordered books and we attended a workshop through City Without Orphans. It is so important to learn about all the different types of adoption – domestic, international, private, open, closed, foster-adopt, foster care, etc. Once you have a firm understanding, you can then pray for God to lead you. We chose a local, private agency and we have an open adoption with our son’s birthmother, which means we have had regular contact with his birthmother before and after his adoption was finalized.
As you ask your questions, be prepared to learn a lot and to educate your family and friends on the process. All of us have preconceived thoughts and fears of what we think adoption looks like. Do all adoptions look like a Lifetime movie? We quickly learned that no, they don’t. We learned the importance of language when it comes to adoption. My son wasn’t “put up for” or “given up for” adoption; his birthmother made a very courageous decision and an adoption plan was made. My son wasn’t abandoned; he actually has a birthmother in his life who loves him dearly. We are truly honored to have a relationship with her. She is so special to us, and we know not everyone will understand the uniqueness of this relationship and that is okay. It was crucial for us to not take people’s questions or concerns as a negative thing, but to see it as an opportunity to educate them on how amazing adoption is.
One thing our agency told us was, “It is not if – it’s when. It will happen.” They said there is a child out there and it is God’s perfect timing that will bring you together.
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! – Psalm 27:14
Waiting is hard! I will not pretend it is easy, and I will admit I was not graceful at it at all. I prayed. I cried. I wondered if it was ever going to happen. I’m grateful we had an amazing social worker who was there to listen and process every step with us.
Trust God through the process. Pray and trust your gut as you make decisions together. Looking back at our journey, I see God’s hand was over the whole thing. From the moments we were sad and discouraged to the second we held our son in our arms – God was there.
If God has put it on your heart to adopt, I encourage you to lean in. Adoption is an incredible journey, so let God use you and stretch your faith. Our hearts have such a great capacity to love, and God can use you for something bigger than you ever dreamed.
"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him." – 1 Samuel 1:27
