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"What's your favorite kind of music?"
You may not think this question would lead to the rabbit trail it started.
But it did.
I didn't reply to the text right away. The question caught me so off-guard because when I get a free moment, I don't rush to play music. I enjoy the silence. My delay in responding was also due to my complete lack of an answer. I had no idea. What do I like? Now or pre-kids? I had to look at my computer's library to see what music I downloaded four years ago to jog my memory. The only music I play these days is children’s songs, Disneyland ride soundtracks and the occasional classical station to clam my screaming infant. Loudly.
This teeny text question led me down a "Who am I, and have I lost my whole identity to motherhood?" path. Is it bad that I can't name any musicians on the top ten charts? Am I missing something? I've been told by seasoned mothers that there are gaps in their lives of pop culture that span at least a decade. I suppose that's where I am now.
In chewing on this would-be identity crisis, I caught myself being jealous of my husband. Chris plays awesome, expansive music while fathering. Depending on what project he is working on with his Well Music bands, this has ranged from '80s throwback techno to a bluesy Etta James cover of Guns N' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle." Keeley and Isaac are mesmerized. This has evolved into a daily shrieking pronouncement of "ROCK AND ROLL!" In Keelish, this comes out as "WOCKY DOW!"
But is this loss of identity really a loss? I took my question to the Lord. "God, do I even have a favorite music anymore? No one told me I would lose myself in motherhood." And wouldn't you know it? God answered.
He graciously revealed the root of my concern: "Who am I?" And one by one, His truths came pouring out of my mouth. "I am your daughter. I am in your will. Christ has covered my sins with His blood, and it is only by Him that I can come to you. I am fretting about these external things when I need to simplify and focus on the one thing. Your steadfast love remains. Yes, my life season has shifted. You have made mothering the desire of my heart. I thank you for the music and tools you have given me to mother, and I thank you for the silence!"
God was so faithful to bring me back to what is important: to glorify Him. He quelled my fears and reminded me of my identity in Christ.
I did reply to my friend. "I enjoy Oldies, Classic Rock, and now and then, an ABBA dance party." It's time to teach Keeley the joys of being a dancing queen.