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I have wanted to go on an Exposure Trip for a while, but never gave it serious thought. When I first heard about Papua New Guinea I felt something stir in me. I don’t know what it was (well obviously the Holy Spirit) but it felt strange. I didn’t know why or how it was going to happen, but I knew I needed to go. I prayed about it and after receiving encouragement, I filled out the online application. Nothing happened for a few weeks so I thought, “well, I guess I was wrong.”
Then I get an email about being part of the Papua New Guinea team. I was so excited! Then I realized all the stuff I had to do—get a passport, write a support letter, raise $3500, get shots for typhoid and malaria (eek!), and everything I need to do to prepare to fly halfway around the world. Wait, what? I’ve never been farther than Canada, and I am traveling to a place located by Australia? Never in a thousand years would I expect God to send me there, especially after how doubtful and non-believing I’ve been.
I’ve doubted from the start. I never expected to raise $3500 by myself, yet God has proven otherwise. I raised more than enough funds to support myself, and still more came in. When I heard our entire team was fully funded, I just about went crazy! I never would have thought I could benefit from traveling across the world. I always imagined these trips were made for the sole purpose of helping the less fortunate. Yet God has shown me, through training and video sessions, how I have something to learn from the very people I’m trying to help. God is challenging so many of my views about the world.
The closer we got to leaving the more the doubts started creeping up again. I am going alone. No one else will help me. Nothing we do is going to matter. What if I get there and I just want to go back to my own life? What if I have too many expectations for this trip, and I let myself down? Is this truly what God wants me to do? Or did I just talk myself into going?
And yet, I still feel a warm comfort deep inside of myself, one that can only be explained as the Holy Spirit whispering to my soul “trust in me.” So while I have a lot of fear and doubt about our trip, I want to change my views. I want to be the person God sees in me. I want to believe I have a beautiful future and that I have a purpose for being here.
Maybe this trip is what I need to grow closer to God. That could be why He called me to go in the first place. God is making me question so much in my life, a lot of which I have tried to place in the back of my mind for a few years now. I finally have to own up to my faith and claim my belief as an adult and I don’t know how to do that. I am so thankful that God is a patient and merciful God because I feel like He would have struck me down long ago if He weren’t.
Even while going through all of this back and forth, I can’t help but be excited. Wow, it’s really happening! To think that we will be visiting a local tribe, assisting in the construction of an addition to a school, exploring the village, learning about a culture that’s completely different from the one I’ve grown up in, I get goose bumps just thinking about it! I’m looking forward to seeing another part of the world. I cannot wait to see the other customs and norms that go on with the locals. I cannot wait to see how people of other cultures worship the same God I do. I cannot wait to hear another language that is foreign and yet beautiful to me. As weird as it is, I’m excited to be the foreigner for once. I get to see what it is like for people outside of the United States when they come to this country. I am excited for the overall experience I get to claim for myself.
I pray that I come home a different person than I was. I pray God shows me all He has in store for my life. I pray that I will listen and not get distracted from my purpose. I pray that I allow myself to learn something on this trip from a people completely different from me. I pray our entire team would see what God is doing in Papua New Guinea.